Sometimes I’m an anarchist, or left libertarian. (Left, because unlike the Republicans who think they’re cool calling themselves “libertarians,” I’m not a slave to the totalitarian ideology of the marketplace.)
Specifically, I don’t think the state has any business in making marriage a spoils-systems of economic and other benefits denied to those who are unmarried. A number of years ago I decided I would not legally marry as long as other consenting adults are not allowed the same benefits. It’s a basic issue of civil and human rights, or, if you prefer it plainer, simple fairness.
My first choice for a solution would be that the economic/social spoils be decoupled completely from marital status, since as citizens we all deserve these benefits. My compromise position is for all consenting adults to be allowed civil marriage. (Here it should be noted how successfully the American ayatollahs and Christertaliban have confused religious and civil marriage.)
In the meantime, I’d go for a commitment ceremony… should the opportunity present itself (I suppose anything’s possible, although probability is the more important measure)… an anarchist marriage, as it were.
I understand that most people with this option will not exercise it, probably won’t even recognize its legitimacy. Most people, including my parents, got married during a time when marriages between mixed race couples were against the law (right into the 1960s in more than a dozen states). Unfortunately, I’ve never been most people. Can’t help it. Does this mean I will condemn your wedding? Not at all. I contain multitudes: I love to see the community gather together to celebrate such human connections. I’ll put on my black kilt and Dr. Marten’s and tux jacket and whirl like a Dervish. My gift will be a contribution in your names to http://www.freedomtomarry.org/.