Thursday, October 15, 2009

Balloons Away!

Already well-seasoned media-whores, the Colorado family planning to launch a balloon – was it to make contact with aliens? – called a local television station when one of their sons supposedly lifted off into the wild blue. Naturally. First thing I’d do, knowing how OJ white SUV style coverage gets the ratings. After all, the next best thing to a white kid trapped in a well is a white kid floating off in a balloon. Not having a television, I missed the hours of non-event, but I heard they found the sprat … in the family garage. (With the photogenic name of Falcon, he’d probably just discovered he’d been named after the female of the species – the male is a tiercel – and was understandably confused.) The county should bill the family for expenses; the state should think of prosecuting them for child abuse, or at least reckless endangerment; and the “reporters,” all those Harry Hairsprays, should go fall into a well.

Breathless details here at the Gray Tabloid.

UPDATE October 20: Now, having been accused by law enforcement of staging a hoax, the family claims to be "hounded" by the media!


knithound brooklyn said...

Slow news day.

Matthew said...

I think it was a perfect news day. The news is just another form of entertainment between the commercials. So an emotionally manipulative, voyeuristic story like this, with the threat of a six-year-old falling out of the sky, well, it was manna from heaven! The parent-pimps, with their long history of desperately trying to break into show biz, played it perfectly.

amarilla said...

KB, You should knit that boy a parachute.

Matthew said...

Yeah, he's gonna need one.