Morality

An enraged correspondent wondered how I would feel if someone I spent the night with blogged about it. Well, I’d be fascinated, of course. Welcome to the Internet, voyeuristic, narcissistic, and, sometimes, adolescently moronic; point my browser, please, and boldly make anonymous comments on anonymous blogs expressing top-of-the-mind thoughts. And if these bloggers were unkind or downright nasty, calling me, say, a loser, a bad lay, a jerk-off, a creep? Why naturally, I’d be hurt. A bit. But not much: I learned long ago that it’s the suicide bombers and cluster bombs that hurt, but…names? Not so much. (No one, after all, is more critical than the self.)

I tend not to associate with mean people to begin with, though. And I don’t think I'm mean. However, the Complainant, who turns out to be very friendly with a former girlfriend, thought I was. Which makes me think the topic is worth broaching. Maybe I’m being too defensive.

I didn’t think I’m disrespectful or belittling in these entries, although it’s inevitable that what I think isn’t necessarily what others read. Author, beware. In trying to maintain a lighter mood, a mood of perplexed befuddlement (lately I feel like I’m wandering Fellini’s City of Women), one free of bitterness, anger, and other darker arts, I can’t always succeed -- though I think this blog is relatively rancor-free. I’m too old for that much anger.

I told both the Cooperator and the Photographer that I blogged about my bachelor life, and I told them before any smooching. Neither asked for the URL at the time, being occupied, and since then they’ve moved on. But I don’t tell my dates before-hand, since I think that would (a) make them even more self-conscious, and (b) that it would be unfair to me, since they would know so much more about me than I know about them. In what I call Cyclopean dates (one-eyed, so not quite blind, get it?), we see each other’s profiles, pictures, samples of notes/letters, speak on the phone and finally meet face to face. (There's no substitute for that F2F.) There’s a relatively equal balance of knowledge then, assuming parties are telling the truth. Let us add Googling as well -- it should be assumed.

Indeed, I write on the assumption that something might develop further down the way and that they will see this eventually. I suppose that’s self-censorship of a sort....